4alongerlife

okay so here goes………. I was born in st. paul, minnesota on feb. 7, 1985. lived there with my mom dad n lil brother till i was about 4 and my mom n dad got a divorce. dad got custody and i was never allowed to talk about or see my mom. we moved to tx n lived pretty much all over my child hood. my dad was a pentecostal evangelist. so we were in the whole area of the panhandle of texas all the way from amariilo to wichita falls tx. moved to other states but ended right back in north tx. my dad remarried when i was 6 to the movie type step mom. PURE EVIL!!!! my dad was raised in north tx too. so his mom n dad lived in childress n me n my lil brother took turns stayin with them in the summer. that was the highlight of my life. My grandma was the best woman that ever walked the face of the earth. well she came down with lung cancer (a non smoker) in 2000. we moved right down the road to live by her cuz we were told she would only have 6 months. i was about 14 then. She died on halloween in 2000. 2 months earlier then they said. I had stayed the night with some friends the night before cuz i didnt feel like sittin at her house watchin her in pain. I REGRET THAT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. she died while i was at church n dad had to send people to come get me! My lil brother was with her n watched her die. so that was that n i tried to cope by startin to write poems. i wrote 2 just for grandma n submitted them n they ended up published in some poem books. I dont know which ones cuz i was young n didnt take full advantage of it. i did them through poetry.com. neways, then from oct. of 2000 to feb of 2001 my stepmom and i finally started to have the relationship that i always needed from a mom. she took up for me one time cuz dad wouldn’t let me date n i got busted talkin to a guy on the phone. so from then on we got really close. well in jan. me n her both got sick. i had medicaid she didnt. she worked while my dad applied for disability. she started takin me to work with her, housekeepin at a hotel, n we really had fun. she became like my best friend. well from her havin to go in the hot laundry room n then in the cold of winter, she ended up havin pneumonia. when i went to the doctor she was there n they said it was probably just the flu. i got better n she didnt. she ended up in the hospital around the ended of jan. 2001 n ended up in icu in drug induced coma with tubes in her sides to drain the fluid tubes in her nose n tube down her throat. she just didnt get better n ended up passing away a couple days after my 15th birthday. the doctors said to let her go becuz she kept goin to cardiac arrest n they had to keep bringin her back.so dad did.  I was at the icu non stop sleepin on the hard floor cuz i was not gonna leave her like i did my grandma. well she had asked me to braid her hair for her before they put her out n the day they said it was okay. as soon as i started to do her hair the nurse told my friend that was in there with me that she needed to go get the family. the machine was beepin n after 2 weeks i knew what was fixin to happen. I just ran outside the hospital n cried as hard as i could for the first time. see im always the rock of everyone. so i never let my dad see me cry. i dont let no one EVER see me cry if i can help. well that was done then my life changed forever. i had pictures of her with the tubes and blues fingers n toes cuz of lack of circulation. I believed that she was gonna get better and come home. so i went home and would look at the pic everyday. i started havin nightmares that she was callin me to come to her. n all kinds of really bad dreams. well my dads friend came down cuz we were supposed to go take a church n he was gonna assist my dad. i knew him n said that we would never be anything. well he came down n things changed! :)  we started dating a month later. he was my rock. he told me to get rid of the pictures n since then i never had another nightmare about my mom. then at my moms funeral i had to sing. yes that was the hardest thing i ever had to do. they published my poem in her funeral lil flyer thing. i ended up meetin a really good friend at the funeral though… so i thought…… this girl would come stay with us all the time in our 2 story house. she practically lived with us. she was gonna be my maid of honor, my best friend, my sister. well 2 weeks before my wedding she went and said the whole 6 months she was with us that my dad raped her. so my dad ended up gettin locked up for 30 years over it. she was 13 at the time. i was 15 with 3 men to take care of until my dad got put in jail. my fiance at the time was 25 so that really didnt help matters that they knew i was gonna marry this man. so they started sayin they were gonna lock him up n stuff too. well we ended up gettin married 2 weeks early cuz we didnt know what would happen to dad n used all our honeymoon n wedding money to bail my dad out. he was out for about a year before it was all said n done. by then i had my first little bundle of joy. Ayla Nicole. she was 5 months old when they took him. me n my ol man got out on our own n moved a million n one places n had another little bundle of joy. Macey Danea. we moved to la. and have been in la pretty much every since. well then in 2005 hurricane rita took our house in dequincy louisiana on me and my hubbys 5th year anniversary we watched the storm tear our town up. fema took there time n tried to screw us over n we had to live in 1 room with a big hole with a 3 1/2 year old n 1 year old at the time. that was in sept. 05. then in dec.05 my hubby lost time n fliped a forklift on the job n got fired right before christmas. we didnt know what happened at the time. then in feb. 06 he had a seizure in our front yard. i thought he had already left with the dude that was supposed to take him to get new tires. (someone sliced all 5 tires on his truck) (the 4 tires and the spare). well i seen lights out my windown n got up about 30 min later n seen ambulance n my  ol man layin on the ground! the kids were in the bath n i just ran out to find out what happened. still didnt know at the time. the ambulance lady had to help me get the kids out the tub so i could catch a ride with them. then my baby busted her head at the hospital on a hospital door n i had to tote both girls down the highway home to get her some tylenol. i started havin problems with my blood pressure that day and still have troubles every once in a while. I have anxiety problems, get depressed sometimes. My kids is what keeps me goin. so anyways, then in feb. my hubby had to go off on another job n ended up fallin out the first day of the job with a seizure. then we knew cuz that was the first time anyone seen him have one. Finally after 6 months fema got us in a fema trailer. my ol man applied for disability. fema payed all our bills for 3 years we were in a damn fema park with all kinds of dope n drama. In Lake charles , la. we stayed sick in the fema trailers. Honestly we did. well they started talkin bout shutin the park down n my ol man does not believe in the woman workin so he would not have me doin anything so he didnt have a seizure for a while but lied n said it was longer so he could get a work release to go back to  work. things started to look better n we moved to b.c. texas right over the tx border from lake charles. stayed there about 6 months n then come hurricane ike. it wiped the whole town out literally!!!!!!!!! the entire town of bridge city flooded. we got 7-8 feet of water in our house! if you dont believe me contact me n get on my myspace page n see the pics for yourself. so then it was bad again n we had to change motels every day because fema wasnt payin for the rooms yet n we had no where to go n no money. so the motels would only let us stay one night n then wed have to get on the road again bright n early n try to find another one that wasnt packed that would take us. that went on for about 2 weeks! Yes!!!! so then my brother told us we could come stay with him n we did for about a month n he got into it with my ol man n kicked us out. we had to go stay with some complete strangers for 2 weeks. n my ol man got another job n happened to tell his boss about the storm n all cuz he only had two nomex to wear to work n they was gettin on to him for not havin them washed up everyday. well his boss told him about a house he had so now we are in vinton la. in the process of buying our own home with 2 acres of land. my baby is finally able to be back in school after 2 months out over the storm. we are havin to buy everything again n things are still rough but im just happy again. things will be better. ive just been an example. no one could ever say “amaris, you dont understand” cuz even with me only being 23 i have been through more than alot of people 2x my age. well, this has been most of the things of my life not all but i figure i wont bore you all anymore. thanks for just lettin me blow out this air ive been holdin for a long time. I never dwell on my problems n i never talk about them Im the one that every one calls to tell their problems to. so even if no one reads this, its cool, because i feel better now. i feel like i just talked to someone that actually listened to me.